A is for Advertising

Remember when I said that I'd post again in a couple days? Yeah... that was a lie. A dirty, dirty lie. But in the spirit of progress, let's move the f*ck on!

I was not-so-recently introduced to a person who knew "of" me. Let me explain. He had no idea who I was, except HE HAD BEEN READING MY BLOG POSTS AND RECOGNIZED MY FACE. Some random dude. In Japan. Recognized me. Ergo- I'm kind of a big deal.

I have many leather-bound books.

That encounter kinda creeped me out... but it was still flattering in a weird "construction worker whistling at my sexy intellect" kind of way. But did it encourage me to start writing more? It did not! You can't rush these kinds of things... even if they're poorly written random things. But I digress.

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter A... A is for Advertising. If you live in a city like Tokyo, you will be bombarded by advertising at every waking moment of your life. After a while, I started to notice a pattern...

I see what you did there...

ADVERTISING AND YOU! IT'S A THING.

Ads in this country break down into very simple categories. I've been gathering random pictures of them for over a year now, and I just started realizing the consistencies.
For example!

ADS WITH RANDOM HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES

Fun fact: most Japanese people have actually no idea who these people are. When someone from North America sees an advertisement with Leo Dicaprio 'lip-servicing' a watch, or Charlize Theron dry-humping a pair of shoes, we think "Hey, I know that person! They were in (blockbuster movie)! I should totally buy (x) because they think it is also cool." Japanese people have none of that thought process. They see "famous foreign person who has a lot of pictures of themselves on the internet." That fact alone automatically makes "famous white guy" more popular. And by that logic, this guy should also be famous in Japan.
Allow me to demonstrate:

Tommy Lee is actually huge here- although most people have no idea who he is. He's just the guy who sells phones and coffee and cheese and...

Willem Dafoe selling Prada

Tommy with his coffee

Nothing makes me want to buy a watch like WHATS-HIS-FACE.

These ads always bring a slight smirk to my face when I see them... the first time. The second and third time (and fourth) it just gets sad and kinda inappropriate.

You see, once upon a time, before the internet, celebrities used Japan as a way to make a quick buck without getting shamed for it back home. There were non-disclosure agreements stating that if the content (read: embarrassing videos) ever reached American audiences, the celebrities would get a fat check. So Japan kept quiet. Now- they don't have to! All you have to do is youtube Japan+(celeb of your choice) to see some of the hilarious crap out there. There's too much to even link to in this blog. Do it yourselves, people!

ADS WITH SOME RANDOM HOT CHICK WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON

I think this is a pervasive concept in almost every single culture. But it's a theme! So it's included:

Just point to the right! And... paycheck!

Ok... so truth be told- a significant portion of the "hot chick" ads in Tokyo can't actually be posted on the internet. They're genuinely NSFW. And these are the ads JUST ON THE SUBWAY. Literally hanging out there for everyone to see. And by the way, children take the subway unsupervised all the time. Welcome to Japan.

MASCOTS AND OTHER TOTALLY INSANE FURRIES

Japan is big on mascots. I'll give you a minute to truly absorb that information before I introduce you to this next concept. Ready? Probably not.

Rule number one of Japan: Never ask Why.

Pika..chu...?

Eggplant?

???

Marathon Octopus!

He 'blued' his pants.

There's a mascot for EVERY. THING. EVERYTHING. Most (read: all) of them are creepy and have little to do with the original reason they were created. Yet they are loved. I have no idea why this is. Let's just walk away from this slowly and pretend it never happened...

AND THEN THERE WAS MORE...

To be honest, a great deal of these don't fit into any category. Or they do, and I just don't care to make the effort. So here goes- observe and do with it what you will:

Even after translating this, I'm still not entirely sure what this is for. Environmental something or other...

Fuzzy black bear is the "ethics police" on trains. The cutest passive aggressive assh*le ever.

I have no idea. "Comfortable space of oneself"???

IN YOUR FACE! AT MINIMUM WAGE!

For a slightly less fatter you.

Robot Hookers! (This is actually a thing).

Say no to drugs! Or suffer the consequences of an enlarged hand!

Nope.

This is a gorilla. Telling you to sing Karaoke. Do it, before he gets mad.

Tamagochi... THAT THING JUST LOOKED STRAIGHT AT ME.

Imma gonna kill your family! Yay :D:D:D:D

No. Just. NO.

How Japan thinks of American Baseball.

"Strange Love." Well... alright then.

So there you have it. I'm sure I'll add more to this later, or maybe I won't. Grad school is totally kicking my ass these days- but I have a huge backload (giggle) of pictures to unleash on the internet... so let's see what happens.
Oyasumi.