Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Shameless Photo Dump of the Summer

Could you old my curly straw for a minute? I have to pee...
 So... I'm kinda broke. I mean, I'm not ACTUALLY broke... but giving away a third of your monthly salary to tuition certainly puts a damper on what you can do with your summer vacation. HOWEVER...

To be honest, I'm totally spoiled, compared to most. My money problems are certainly of a 'first world' nature. Buying cheaper beer and staying away from expensive restaurants are pretty much the extent of my financial "woes." In fact, while I type it out, my so called "money issues" look pretty pathetic. I mean- just look at all the AWESOME CRAP I've been doing;
sit on my penguin.
Lugged a piano around on your back all day, and you STILL wanna go clubbing in Nichome? You probably live in Tokyo.
 Being slightly broke just means that I have to get more creative with how, where, and when I spend my money. For example, finding a super cheap Thai restaurant that also happens to be SOME OF THE BEST FOOD EVER? Awesome. Randomly stumbling upon a TOTALLY FREE choreographed dance party in the middle of the street? Freaking amazing.
 And then there's my favourite activity after a long day... walking around Shinjuku. Because I LIVE IN SHINJUKU... And although Tokyo's one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in, it costs absolutely nothing to just stroll down the street and gawk at all the crazy.
He's showing us the DANGER ZONE.

 In the spirit of the 2012 Olympic games, I found an old Olympics arena in Harajuku from when Tokyo held it in 1964. They still use the stadium for local events, but it seems a little out of place now...
 A friend with a beer...
 The king of teeth (?)...
 A photo from the weekend we went to Izu and spent two days getting sunburned and having WAY too much fun...
 Someone just threw all these flyers for local events on the platform of the subway... in a misguided attempt to get some attention, or litter, I dunno...
The Starbucks employees are starting to recognize me...? Or that's a penis. You pick.
Alley cat

Escher in Ueno


Shibuya Skyline

Pretty paintings

Ha! Spacial...

Seaside train station

Standing in the middle of the street

30 miles to LEGO LAND

Tiger Woods?

Quick! Look Asian!

This is true love.
So, I suppose life is pretty good. And looking back on the past month, I suppose that I have absolutely nothing worth complaining about. Except the heat. Goddamn, it's f*cking hot right now. But it could be worse...


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Things I've learned in Japan, Part Six; Tokyo Fashion

Japan: Home to beautiful women, all-encompassing convenience stores, and the most complicated recycling system known to man.

I know I've mentioned it before, but Japanese chicks have set the bar pretty freaking high when it comes to looking awesome.

Hypothetical situation:
If I had grown up under a rock on Mars (kind of true), and I had absolutely no idea how to dress myself (more true), and if I had been hit on the head one too many times (realistically true), I would use the Japanese woman's version of what's acceptable "every day" fashion.
This is what I would probably end up looking like:

Which brings me to a list I've been working on. Here's how to dress like a Japanese fashionista...

RULE NUMBER ONE: It's NEVER inappropriate to wear high heels. Anything lower than 4 inches and you may as well stay home.

RULE NUMBER TWO: If your eyes don't look like they belong in a Manga Comic, you're doing something wrong. MASCARA IS YOUR FRIEND. Fake eyelashes are as normal as earrings. And like earrings, they're often shinier and longer than the appendage they're hanging from.
She butterfly-kissed a rainbow.

RULE NUMBER THREE: Your outfit should include AT LEAST two primary/secondary colours. Preferably clashing. Bonus points are awarded for plaid, stripes and checkered patterns.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: Acrylics. Have long, scary nails. Bedazzled and covered in stickers. These ABSOLUTELY MUST be coordinated with the colour of your iphone, since you will never, under any circumstances, put it down.

I dare you to pick up a single piece of paper.
RULE NUMBER FIVE: Most of your hair should be situated on the top of your head. In best case scenarios, it should look like you've been styled by a three year old with household objects. Bonus points for household objects STILL IN YOUR HAIR. "Super bonus points" for completely unexpected items, such as sharks, barbie dolls, toy cars, etc.

RULE NUMBER SIX: Absolutely no pants. Ever. Jeggings, miniskirts, mis-matched tights, and inexplicably poofy short-shorts are your best options.
All class. No pants.

RULE NUMBER SEVEN: Make absolutely no sense. In fact, the more sense you make, the more "uncool" you are. So you must be as completely weird as possible. It's best to look like you've just crawled away from a children's arts and crafts expose, and you're just about to have a seizure.

RULE NUMBER EIGHT: A DESIGNER BAG. Guchi, Prada, CC, Whatever. Now, I know- after all that nonsense, why ruin a perfectly good schizophrenic episode with an expensive display of extravagance? For an answer to that, see rule number seven. Sometimes you have to complete the full circle of psychotic, and you just end up back in boring old fashion. And if that fails, carry an impossibly tiny anime character.

Basically Japanese women are f*ck-you fashionable. Yeah, it's two o'clock in the afternoon and 38 degrees outside, but I AM WEARING GUCHI AND JEGGINGS WITH A SHARK ON MY HEAD.
F*ck all y'all.
It's just downright inappropriate to be wearing anything but the simplest and lightest of clothes in July, with the humidity of Tokyo city. And yet, I see Manolos and Pravda struttin' past me like it aint no thing. They may look delicate, but these chicks understand PAIN. After all, pain is beauty. And these women live it everyday.

Good night, crazy Tokyo.