Tuesday, June 19, 2012

How NOT TO ACT up to and during a Typhoon.

First, a note:

So this may be the best excuse I have right now for not doing my homework... or it may be just a ridiculous way of publicly admitting my obsession with Paint. But once in a while, I have these "stranger than life" moments and I just feel like drawing them. Crudely, and without any hint of artistic talent. Using primary colours. On my computer.

Some true inspiration for this particular series comes from hyperbole and a half, who is the UNDISPUTED QUEEN of Paint-created pictures.


This is "how not to act up to and during a typhoon." What is it, the THIRD typhoon for Japan in the past year? I swear to jebus that Mother Earth has a serious gear to grind when it comes to Japan. Worst "rainy season" ever. For the record- all of these things either happened to me, or I was witness to them. Weird weather makes people f*cking nuts.


Stand around. Just hang out. Pretend like there's nothing going on and there's DEFINITELY NOT 100/km winds shoving your pants into your crack. Denial is not your friend, and pretending that 'it's just a bit of rain' is going to fool no one. It's just going to make you look like the crazy nutbag you so clearly are.

NUMBER TWO THING NOT TO DO: Try and use an umbrella!
Typhoons are impervious to umbrellas. They laugh in the face of the mere concept of shielding ourselves from the force of nature. Today I killed TWO of these poor excuses for protective plastic simply by TRYING TO USE THEM. JUST... DON'T.

NUMBER THREE THING NOT TO DO: Wear your best clothes to work!

 ... Because timing is everything. And because you're an idiot- an idiot who should listen to the damn weather forecast.

NUMBER FOUR THING NOT TO DO: Leave your windows open-


Despite the warnings in the news, it was deliciously sunny ALL DAY. So, I thought "HEY, WHY THE F*CK NOT?!?!" Apparently I'm functionally retarded and have never heard of the 'calm before the storm' concept. Also, I apparently love soaking up pools of dirty typhoon water with freshly clean towels. APPARENTLY.

NUMBER FIVE THING NOT TO DO:  Wear a skirt/wear white/wear 6 inch heels!

NOPE. Or do, and be the evening's entertainment on the subway ride home. Your choice, really.

NUMBER SIX THING NOT TO DO: Take a moment to interpretive dance/shake yourself off like a dog on a crowded subway platform!

This is not appropriate ANYWHERE. EVER. This guy's an a$$hole. Everyone's already slightly damp (and grumpy) around the edges- NOBODY wants your dirty hair-wax-enhanced-cast-off-street-water splashed in their face because you decided to get creative about drying off. You're a dick. Don't be that guy.

NUMBER SEVEN THING NOT TO DO: Get to know someone... PHYSICALLY... while soaking wet.
Not as sexy as it sounds. While on public transit, DURING RUSH HOUR IN TOKYO... Being soaking wet sucks. Being soaking wet while someone presses their body up against you, EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T HAVE TO... is possibly one of the worst feelings in the whole world. It's beyond creepy. It's psychologically violating. Respect the bubble. Don't be a d!ck.


You know what I'm talking about. That douche bag that pretends like deodorant is for "pussies." The guy with ZERO respect for public well-being.  That guy.

Hey guy- with the ill-fitted soaking wet pinstripe suit carrying three large shopping bags and a broken umbrella- You're a dick.

So I realize that this post is a little out of character for me, but it needed to be said. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clean up a puddle of water under my window sill, and maybe attempt to air-dry my soaking wet clothes.

And please people - try not being a d!ck once in a while. Just try.



  1. This is brilliant. How many of the above did you actually do on the day?

  2. thank you. I was witness to all of these things on that day. I'm not the type to interpretive dance in public under any circumstances.

  3. I think this is way better than your homework might have been! (; I love typhoons, but I was lucky that they only came when I was at home, so no problem at all! Your drawings are hilarious, they should print a how-to-not-typhoon guide with these!