Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Dear Utsunomiya. Holy crap.

So I'm finally here. It took over a month, but I'm finally trained, weighed, measured, found fat, etc.
So now what, you may ask? Well, I'm obviously still taking pictures like a Downs kid with a camera! Observe;

These are from when I was still in Tokyo. QB House is this super Japanese version of a barber shop. They specialize in the 10 minute hair cut. You go in, you put your money into a machine (they always find a way to include a machine in any process, even if it really isn't necessary), you get a ticket. You then wait your turn (there's always a line), and get a very cheap, very mediocre haircut for 1000 yen. Thankfully, this is only available to men, or I might be tempted to try it. The barbers are the most efficient in the world, using two pairs of scissors simultaneously in some cases to maximize their use of the ten minute time slot. Heh heh... slot.  Speaking of inappropriate sexual references;
WHAT IS THIS ABOUT? SERIOUSLY?? There is no way that this restaurant owner went through the process of buying a license without consciously understanding what he was doing. I'm assuming it's a he, because no woman on the face of the planet would own a place called "Hole Hole." I really like the descriptive details on the sign.

"Excuse me Sir, I would like to try this 'Food' dish on your menu for 300 yen."

The only logical explanation for this would be that it's a front for yet another rub-n-tug. There are SOOOOO many of them on every corner. It's completely shameless. But understand, that most business men work 80 hour work weeks here, and don't have time to commute to the wife to get their rocks off. Japan's about efficiency, people!

Moving along. So the housing manager decided to throw a party the night before we left Tokyo. Supposedly it was for my friend's birthday (again). This guy has gotten 2 birthday cakes already from people he barely knows. Talk about horseshoes, I guess...
But in Japanese fashion, I took a picture of the m*ther f*cking food;

So there was enough food for 50 people. It was kind of hilarious. I also decided to go one step further (because I like to be ahead of the game), and take a picture of my friend taking a picture of the food. Do you see that barrel in the last picture on the left? That's just rice. There were 2 of those. Seriously.
I also learned a new phrase that day. Sushi Chugokugo, or Chinese sushi. When a Chinese person tries to make sushi, apparently they usually end up stuffing it too full and end up looking ridiculous like this fellow on the right. There's always this slight animosity between Japanese and Chinese people. Probably something to do with the millennia-long wars and killing sprees between both sides. Could be anything. Moving on.

So we finally got to Utsunomiya after all that, and this is what I saw on my first day;
To anyone who's ever been to Guelph, Ontario, you will think this statue looks familiar. It is. Apparently the same guy who designed the super-homo-incestuous statue in Guelph, got contracted to do another one in Utsunomiya. (For all you super-keeners, the sign in the background says 'Ah-Ko-Mu-Something.').

The tree blossoms are still going strong. Which reminds me, I've learned something more about why everyone wears those stupid masks all the time. Apparently, pollen allergies are a serious problem here, and too much exposure can actually clog your sinuses to the point of death. So all Japanese people aren't total wimps for shielding against "cooties". Also, apparently you can get an allergic reaction even if you wouldn't normally be allergic to tree pollen, cause this stuff is super duper wicked strong... or something.

Oh yeah, and I found a jewelry store that specializes in discount pearls. I just found the place where I'm gonna blow all my money. Can you say "pearl necklace"??

Not that you probably care, but these were 1/10th of the price back in Canada. Mom, I know what I'm getting you for your birthday :) Maybe Dad too...

You can't really tell, because my camera decided it wasn't important, but this building is riddled with cracks up the walls from all the earthquakes. There's almost an earthquake once a week now, and the rest of the week is filled with aftershocks, which are more mini earthquakes. I've gotten used to them now, to the point where I'll just automatically open all my doors and go back to what I was doing beforehand. A lot of them happen around 10 am, which is when I usually wake up. Some of my friends and I call them the Japanese Alarm Clocks.

Oh yeah, and work is awesome. I'm loving my job, although it's hard as hell and physically exhausting. I'm also not allowed to speak of it. I signed a confidentiality agreement which forbids me from going into too much detail about my work, lest someone uses it for evil. I can say that kid-wrangling all day can be a serious work out, and if you have too many little boys in one room you're going to end up with a tug of war over something. 

On an unrelated note, I'm going to buy a bicycle tomorrow for the commute around town. I'm looked down upon for not having one, and it makes no sense to go without, since I live a brisk 20 minute walk away from downtown, and there are no redeemable qualities about my neighbourhood. I chose a cheap apartment, and got a crappy neighbourhood. But the apartment itself is actually really nice, and big by Japanese standards. I must take a picture of the outside of my building for the internet's amusement, because it is possibly the ugliest design known to man. Just think of beige and gray horizontal stripes... and that's my building. But it's the inside that counts, right guys? Guys??

I really wish this picture turned out better, because it's such an awesome thing I was trying to capture. This is a party favor, like balloons and streamers, but these are fake inflatable boobs. You're supposed to put on this plastic bra, under your shirt, and then suddenly inflate it later on in the night when you've run out of conversation topics. There's also a big inflatable shlong for girls.

1 comment:

  1. Please tell me you "ate out" from Hole Hole. Do it...